The First Ounce of...

The First Ounce of an Outing in Frivolity

My first beer, first buzz, and first beer/buzz with my best friend

It’s not too uncommon to have a bit of the old Devil’s brew before you turn 21. Whether it was sneaking a sip from your old man or your older sister letting you finish her beer, it’s a temptation that’s usually fraught and not fought. Basically, most of our first tastes are our family’s fault. Family reunions and weddings are usually a good place to get lost from the parents and where you can find that cool uncle who will accidentally hand you a tinted glass of spiked orange juice. There were those times when you were in high school and since you had a driver’s license it’s clear you were mature enough to have a beer with dad at a restaurant. The parents also commonly stored a bit of alcohol in cupboards that, with the littlest of ingenuity, was available with your discreet discretion. I’m sure you all remember drinking some vodka and refilling it with water…

My first memory of drinking was actually when I was seven. Boy, did I get smashed! Not really, I basically had solitary sips from my old man’s beers at each pub when we toured Scotland, Ireland and England. I remember to this day enjoying Guinness the most. I pretended to like the others like we all do when first tasting beer, but I actually enjoyed Guinness.

I suppose time has passed enough for my older brother, Trevor, not to get into trouble by being responsible for my first “intoxicating” experience with alcohol. He was a freshman at UW-Madison, which made me a freshman in high school. Trevor invited me to stay at his dorm to basically party down. We listened to some music and I met some of his friends as I sipped down Sloe Gin and Kool-aid. It’s still the only time I’ve ever had Sloe Gin, which is weird because I actually enjoyed it, I guess I’ve just never had the chance to try it since. The feeling of being “buzzed” for the first time will never leave me, and it seems like it’s still unmatched no matter how many escapades I’ve been on since. Trevor kept asking me if I was okay or if I was feeling anything or if I was drunk. I only said I was because I was afraid I was doing something wrong. I didn’t feel the effect until we got in the elevator to go down to a dance party in the dorm’s basement. Trevor and I preceded to cut a rug, impressing the hell out of everyone else on the dance floor, like we always do. Nothing too wild happened my first night of drinking; but I did sleep next to a girl named Cherry. Which was good fodder for my friends back in high school, who didn’t believe any of it.

If you have had the esteemed opportunity to meet a certain Benjamin C. Sauer in your life, consider yourself lucky, Nelson Mandela would be jealous. He’s a character of all trades; so it only makes sense that his first time drinking produced some memorable moments. The first time I ever had a beer with Ben was when we pulled a can out of my parents’ fridge and shared it during some boring day of summer after 8th grade. We poured the beer into two glasses and sipped, not liking any of it (Busch Lite). When we were done Ben made sure we wouldn’t get caught by washing out the glasses with lots of dish soap and putting the can in a plastic bag, placing it in the bottom of my house’s garbage can.

The first time we drank to get drunk was sophomore year of high school at Ben’s house when his parents were out of town and his sister, Nicole, provided the booze. I believe Ben Wierwil and Matt Strazinski stayed over as well. Sauer was very into the whole experience, wanting to make sure he knew exactly what was in the drinks, what kind of affect each had on people, and their history in American society. Once buzzed he started running back and forth from their dining room through the kitchen and into the living room, letting us all know “My inhibitions have not been lowered!” He repeated this act several times. Another memorable moment was at the end of the night when we were all in Ben’s basement tired and trying to sleep. He kept quizzing us on ridiculous questions like asking Matt, “40 chicks or sex with Koontz?” in the most insistent and serious manner. He still famously asks ponderous questions when drinking to this day, although they have matured slightly since.

Hilarious cast of "Party Down"

TV Comedies 2009

1. It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia FX Ssn 5
2. How I Met Your Mother CBS 4 & 5
3. The Office NBC 5 & 6
4. Party Down Starz 1
5. Californication Showtime 3
6. Rescue Me FX 5
7. Entourage HBO 6
8. Bored to Death HBO 1
9. Weeds Showtime 5
10. Eastbound and Down HBO 1
11. Curb Your Enthusiasm HBO 7
12. Community NBC 1
13. Rules of Engagement CBS 3
14. Flight of the Conchords HBO 2
15. The League FX 1
16. Two and a Half Men CBS 6 & 7
17. Hung HBO 1
18. 30 Rock NBC 3 & 4
19. Family Guy Fox 7 & 8
20. Chuck NBC 2
21. Scrubs ABC 8 & 9
22. South Park Comedy 13
23. Modern Family ABC 1
24. Accidentally on Purpose CBS 1
25. Secret Girlfriend Comedy 1

Dexter and his new family life

TV Dramas 2009

1. Lost ABC Ssn 5
2. Dexter Showtime 4
3. Fringe Fox 1 & 2
4. Mad Men AMC 3
5. Damages FX 2
6. Big Love HBO 3
7. In Treatment HBO 2
8. The Closer TNT 4 & 5
9. Breaking Bad AMC 2
10. Crash Starz 2
11. Flash Forward ABC 1
12. Burn Notice USA 2 & 3
13. Numbers CBS 5 & 6
14. Nip/Tuck FX 5 & 6
15. White Collar USA 1
16. The Mentalist CBS 1 & 2
17. 24 Fox 7
18. Sons of Anarchy FX 1
19. The Tudors Showtime 3
20. Castle ABC 1

Stephen Colbert shaves his head for the troops

Real Life TV

1. This American Life Showtime
2. The Tonight Show/Late Night with Conan O’Brien NBC
3. The Colbert Report Comedy
4. In the House Starz
5. Man-Made National Geo. Channel
6. Modern Marvels History Channel
7. Anthony Bourdain’s No Reservations Travel Channel
8. Lock N’ Load Showtime
9. Top Chef Bravo
10. Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC