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Jpop and the Kid from New Berlin

(Waiting for more)

The First Ounce of...

The First Ounce of an Outing in Frivolity

My first beer, first buzz, and first beer/buzz with my best friend

It’s not too uncommon to have a bit of the old Devil’s brew before you turn 21. Whether it was sneaking a sip from your old man or your older sister letting you finish her beer, it’s a temptation that’s usually fraught and not fought. Basically, most of our first tastes are our family’s fault. Family reunions and weddings are usually a good place to get lost from the parents and where you can find that cool uncle who will accidentally hand you a tinted glass of spiked orange juice. There were those times when you were in high school and since you had a driver’s license it’s clear you were mature enough to have a beer with dad at a restaurant. The parents also commonly stored a bit of alcohol in cupboards that, with the littlest of ingenuity, was available with your discreet discretion. I’m sure you all remember drinking some vodka and refilling it with water…

My first memory of drinking was actually when I was seven. Boy, did I get smashed! Not really, I basically had solitary sips from my old man’s beers at each pub when we toured Scotland, Ireland and England. I remember to this day enjoying Guinness the most. I pretended to like the others like we all do when first tasting beer, but I actually enjoyed Guinness.

I suppose time has passed enough for my older brother, Trevor, not to get into trouble by being responsible for my first “intoxicating” experience with alcohol. He was a freshman at UW-Madison, which made me a freshman in high school. Trevor invited me to stay at his dorm to basically party down. We listened to some music and I met some of his friends as I sipped down Sloe Gin and Kool-aid. It’s still the only time I’ve ever had Sloe Gin, which is weird because I actually enjoyed it, I guess I’ve just never had the chance to try it since. The feeling of being “buzzed” for the first time will never leave me, and it seems like it’s still unmatched no matter how many escapades I’ve been on since. Trevor kept asking me if I was okay or if I was feeling anything or if I was drunk. I only said I was because I was afraid I was doing something wrong. I didn’t feel the effect until we got in the elevator to go down to a dance party in the dorm’s basement. Trevor and I preceded to cut a rug, impressing the hell out of everyone else on the dance floor, like we always do. Nothing too wild happened my first night of drinking; but I did sleep next to a girl named Cherry. Which was good fodder for my friends back in high school, who didn’t believe any of it.

If you have had the esteemed opportunity to meet a certain Benjamin C. Sauer in your life, consider yourself lucky, Nelson Mandela would be jealous. He’s a character of all trades; so it only makes sense that his first time drinking produced some memorable moments. The first time I ever had a beer with Ben was when we pulled a can out of my parents’ fridge and shared it during some boring day of summer after 8th grade. We poured the beer into two glasses and sipped, not liking any of it (Busch Lite). When we were done Ben made sure we wouldn’t get caught by washing out the glasses with lots of dish soap and putting the can in a plastic bag, placing it in the bottom of my house’s garbage can.

The first time we drank to get drunk was sophomore year of high school at Ben’s house when his parents were out of town and his sister, Nicole, provided the booze. I believe Ben Wierwil and Matt Strazinski stayed over as well. Sauer was very into the whole experience, wanting to make sure he knew exactly what was in the drinks, what kind of affect each had on people, and their history in American society. Once buzzed he started running back and forth from their dining room through the kitchen and into the living room, letting us all know “My inhibitions have not been lowered!” He repeated this act several times. Another memorable moment was at the end of the night when we were all in Ben’s basement tired and trying to sleep. He kept quizzing us on ridiculous questions like asking Matt, “40 chicks or sex with Koontz?” in the most insistent and serious manner. He still famously asks ponderous questions when drinking to this day, although they have matured slightly since.

Hilarious cast of "Party Down"

TV Comedies 2009

1. It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia FX Ssn 5
2. How I Met Your Mother CBS 4 & 5
3. The Office NBC 5 & 6
4. Party Down Starz 1
5. Californication Showtime 3
6. Rescue Me FX 5
7. Entourage HBO 6
8. Bored to Death HBO 1
9. Weeds Showtime 5
10. Eastbound and Down HBO 1
11. Curb Your Enthusiasm HBO 7
12. Community NBC 1
13. Rules of Engagement CBS 3
14. Flight of the Conchords HBO 2
15. The League FX 1
16. Two and a Half Men CBS 6 & 7
17. Hung HBO 1
18. 30 Rock NBC 3 & 4
19. Family Guy Fox 7 & 8
20. Chuck NBC 2
21. Scrubs ABC 8 & 9
22. South Park Comedy 13
23. Modern Family ABC 1
24. Accidentally on Purpose CBS 1
25. Secret Girlfriend Comedy 1

Dexter and his new family life

TV Dramas 2009

1. Lost ABC Ssn 5
2. Dexter Showtime 4
3. Fringe Fox 1 & 2
4. Mad Men AMC 3
5. Damages FX 2
6. Big Love HBO 3
7. In Treatment HBO 2
8. The Closer TNT 4 & 5
9. Breaking Bad AMC 2
10. Crash Starz 2
11. Flash Forward ABC 1
12. Burn Notice USA 2 & 3
13. Numbers CBS 5 & 6
14. Nip/Tuck FX 5 & 6
15. White Collar USA 1
16. The Mentalist CBS 1 & 2
17. 24 Fox 7
18. Sons of Anarchy FX 1
19. The Tudors Showtime 3
20. Castle ABC 1

Stephen Colbert shaves his head for the troops

Real Life TV

1. This American Life Showtime
2. The Tonight Show/Late Night with Conan O’Brien NBC
3. The Colbert Report Comedy
4. In the House Starz
5. Man-Made National Geo. Channel
6. Modern Marvels History Channel
7. Anthony Bourdain’s No Reservations Travel Channel
8. Lock N’ Load Showtime
9. Top Chef Bravo
10. Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC

A Twenty-One-Year Salute to...

A Twenty-One-Year Salute to Alexandra E. I. Pitsch

Come December 19^th, the most prolific yet youngest of all seven of my siblings is finally beginning the very "mature" years where drinking is actually legal and, in turn, life becomes a lot more interesting… and more expensive.

                 The two of us drinking... hot cider.

(Beware of run-on sentences)

When you’re 21 a typical college night can include a bit of pre-drinking, followed by a taxi to dinner, then more pre-drinking at a friends house, and then a stint at a bar or two… or more, ending with a late-night walk/taxi ride/sober friend driving to a fast food stop or place like Perkins, or more realistically it will continue and end with a post-party or gathering that includes more drinking.  If this were to take place on a Friday, you will most likely wake up Saturday morning and start drinking again, to either ease the pain of a possible hangover or to pre-drink for a football or volleyball game (preferably drinking Mimosas, Bullfrogs or Bloodies).  Let’s say there’s a football game, so you’ll probably drink at the tailgate and if you are Sneaky McSneaksalot then you’ll take a flask in with you to the game, or a maraschino cherry jar of cherry bombs.  You might possibly want to take a nap after the game, but if you want to make the most of your weekend you will probably go to a bar and have an early dinner along with some drinks, then go to a friends house to have a drink or two, so you don’t spend too much money at the bars, because it’s only 6pm and you know you’re going back to there in a few hours.  The next several steps are repeated from the night before, until you get to Sunday morning, my favorite part of the weekend.  This is a time when you go to a Denny’s/Perkins (even if you already went at 2am) and enjoy a hardy breakfast (go with the T-12) while sharing the ridiculous stories from the weekend with your friends (because more times than not you will get separated sometime during the night and everyone comes out of the night with their own stories).

And that is exactly what the following group of posts is all about.  I will share four stories about drinking covering four different aspects of the joy of drinking. These wont be your typical “We got sooo drunk last night and puked!” stories.  We’ve all heard those ineptities.

So, Happy Day of B, Xandra P! 

**There are plenty of negatives to drinking and lots of stupid things I’ve done; so this is not necessarily a pro-drinking blog, just some fun memories to share.

Death of a...

Death of a Sails Man

 

(A little background before you read the final letter of this series)

Inhabitants from the region of origin in the religion of gin-making may say there is more than one way to gait a gate and rig a trig, all in the mix of antics portrayed in the eye from the ending of living exteriors and linear happenings.  But who’s watching?  Where is the system of checks and balances?  What happens when the acts of tax relax and the usual backtrack loses slack?  Will we know or does it just end, do we end? 

Maybe we’re like water.  When in the womb we are like rain, creating bodies of water, and when we grow until adulthood, we are the oceans full of life.  After growth we slowly evaporate into nothing as we age.  When we die, it starts all over when we condensate until returning to liquid form.  This is one example of the profound philosophies held by a true American, Anoki Chowilawu.

I met this bibulous Nez Perce a few years back when hiking among the trees of the Targhee National Forest.  He taught me how to appreciate the earth and I taught him how to do the Truffle Shuffle.  He told me stories of his ancestors and I told him drinking stories from college.  He gave me advice on how to succeed in business without being corrupt and I told him how to play the wooden Pandura.  Over the three weeks I visited Anoki Chowilawu and his three siblings I became wiser to the meaning of why I was put on this earth and now I belive I can live a long and satisfying life full of adventure and inadvertent self-acclimation.  Before I left he gave me his mobile number and the bark from a Dropmore Linden and told me to rub it on my left shoulder blade every day, after I take a shower; so the good earth is with me throughout the day.  Anoki claims this will remind me of what’s important when facing a difficult decision or situation anytime in life.  My body will feel the earth as my mind looks for answers.  Unfortunately I lost the bark a week later when I forgot it at the I-80 truck stop in Iowa.  Anoki Chowilawu would be proud to know that I have replaced the Dropmore Linden bark with a slab of peanut brittle that I found under the couch at my friend Andrew Nesbitt's apartment in Hermosa Beach, after a yuletide get-together.  The brittle has dwindled down to that of a corn chip holding a solitary legume.  He would be proud, if he were alive.

 

This is a letter I wrote to be placed on his leather-bound urn:

 

Anoki

You crazy son of a bitch!  What possessed you to start learning how to swim at such an old age?  I remember learning all the ways this earth has blessed you and improved your well-being; but throughout the time of our cohesive stint you refused to disperse any accolades toward water.  I found it odd but let it be.  Then your sister, Etenia, told me about your fear of the wet stuff.  You sold me on geology, but only dug in briefly to water-related sciences, like ratamology, hesitant to go into any detail.  Then I hear you are going to visit your ancestors’ burial sites on the coast of Washington.  I figured their sites were far enough from water, where there wouldn’t be any danger.  It turns out they are buried on Crane Island (part of the San Juan Islands).

My admiration for you became deep-rooted due to your knowledge on practically everything.  From your studies on gastric Herring communication to the technical developments in fringe science, you were my Guru.  This is why I ask the question - why the heck did you feel compelled to learn about Shear Stress Transport in a maritime setting when I know everyone you know knows you don’t know not a damn-damn thing at all about swimming?

I suppose even you can’t answer this since you’re dead; but maybe one day we’ll meet again, perhaps in the condensation stage of our life cycle.

Your Kus Hama,

Stephen

 

P.S. – I’ve been seeing Etenia, I hope you don’t mind.

Twenty Twenty Twenty Four Hours...

Twenty Twenty Twenty Four Hours to Go, I Wanna Be Sedated (But only by Dr. Trevor Pitsch)

To the most illustrious patron of the Bellingham community and my brother:

Before you implore your lore and think it’s a chore I pour my poor core more before the yore of twenty-four is wore or tore do not fret for the rest of this ode, I am told, will not rhyme this time.

I write to you with this letter for many reasons known and unknown.  I could count them all for you but instead I will explain the power that lies in twenty-four and why it is the magic number… for you.  Don’t share it.

The greatest lead-off hitter once told me a story of how he met Jimmy Wynn in the hallway of a hotel floor that wasn’t there, for it was in Canton.  They discussed a recent prohibition to the Congress about conducting the right to vote in a federal election on payment of poll tax.  The conversation then lead to their thoughts of Anwar Sedat winning the Nobel Peace Prize while they each drank a silo over a game of backgammon.  Wynn won, scoring all the points.  He claimed it was as inspirational as the first Olympics in France.  Although he had not been born at the time, footage was on projected film found in his grandmother’s basement.  His grandmother lived along an interstate highway, which routed drivers between Tennessee and Illinois.  Her love for these particular Olympics originated from the French saying (translated into English), “Shame upon him think evil upon it” which was written by the knights who were part of the Order of the Garter.  Their shields were made of iron until a young maiden named Corrandine turned them into pure gold.  They were successful in their competitions and battles, much like the Montreal Canadians in hockey or Willie Mays in baseball.  Wynn and Henderson’s friendship stemmed from this night and although their paths did not cross again until all the cycles in a Chinese solar year were up, they kept in touch.  The two discussed anesthesiology, why 2^3q is so important, and their favorite Sutherland television show.  They would even quiz each other on foreign languages in western Africa and the Greek alphabet.  One conversation lasted literally all hours of the day.  The next time they plan to meet is in this month, on a day known for being the smallest with exactly eight divisions.  What does this unusual relationship have to do with you?

Nothing… except for the number 24, and nothing more.

Congratulations on graduating 24^th grade, putting up with me for 24 weeks last year… and happy birthday, 24 days after mine!

 

Your applauding brother, Stephen

Vous Deux Etes...

Vous Deux Etes L'avenir de Beaute

A wedding letter written for Kim and Brent Krueger

Not being sure of what I could possibly write in a wedding card for one of the most illustrious people I’ve ever known, I called up my friend, Edith Piaf.  Unfortunately her translator is deathly ill this day, so my interpretation of her inspiring words may be a bit skewed.  As she sang to me, these words came to mind:

I would go to the end of the world

I would make dye in fair-haired woman

If you asked me for it

I would go to take down the moon

I would go to steal destiny

If you asked me for it 

She actually went on for another ten minutes, until I interrupted her with a wail from Tino Rossi, and she quieted.  But the point was made.  Even an old French singer who’s dead can easily express the indescribable impact you have on every life you touch.  So, it is "with deepest pride and greatest pleasure" that I witness the day you commit to someone who is truly lucky enough to spend the rest of their life with someone who deserves whole-hearted love from every person in this world, even the French.  And Brent, since this is a card for both of you… way to go!

I look forward to hearing your "l’hymne a l’amour" over the next several years!

Vous deux etes l’avenir de beaute 

9...

9 is 9 or 9

A birthday letter written to Sir Ian Arthur Blum

As wine is inclined to refine the fine line between the equine on the Rhine and the brine found when you dine, it also encourages a Congo line that smells nothing like Georgia Pine and endures the tine of a certain utensil when you dine.  I don’t expect your face to shine when receiving this, for it’s not Tarzan on a vine nor John Frances Appleby tying his twine.  In fact, you may whine for it’s not beer in a stein but that’s fine, because this is now yours, not mine.  As your friend and subject of a future shrine, I would not only go to the Mason Dixon Line or the International Date Line risking a speeding fine, I would climb a Sierra Lodgepole Line, endure an electromagnetic delay line, risk my personal credit line, and stand in an employment line, for you buddy.  I may not be Chris Pine and provide an Enterprise for you, but I did work there, rain or shine.  My powers aren’t divine nor as unique as the acoustic delay line in Johnny Cash’s “Walk the Line” or “Boy with a Coin” by Iron and Wine.

You are the backbone of America’s Heartland - nein, the spine.  Without it, there would be no roads to assign a sign warning us to watch out for crossing swine.  There would be no sewer line, or it would only intertwine less orderly than an alkaline assembly line for batteries that are being made for ine (Institute of Neuromorphic Engineering).  You could say you are the sine, or even the cosine for the structure of our modern society, to not agree is malign.  To combine both thine state of mind from the first paragraph’s first line about wine with a number I will decline to let shine for it’s as explosive as a naval mine and as bright as a rock found in a Nunavut mine, I will resign this letter and resign my writing to this fate of mine, that the only number one greater than eight has become your destiny, for the stars will align and you will be the benign ruler of billions, after your twenty-seven-year tradition in celebrating birth, twenty-one days before mine.

 

Your copain, Stevennea, IX

 

It's a...

It's a Celebration!

Ah yes, celebration!  The dictionary’s definition of celebration is as follows:

cel⋅e⋅bra⋅tion  [sel-uh-brey-shuhn] –noun

1. an act of celebrating.

Um, well that doesn’t really help us much.  As with many words or topics in this world, we all have our own definition.  It relies on interpretation and perspective; but also what dash on your life’s timeline you are at.  As a young child I remember receiving toys at certain times of the year, not really knowing or caring why.  As a teenager I began to appreciate receiving these gifts because I knew why we were celebrating; but because my interests changed so frequently I was never able to appreciate the tangible gifts to their fullest deserving.  Once I left home, I learned I didn’t really want these tangible gifts because I felt I didn’t deserve them.  Now we’re getting older and realizing it’s not us that matters, it’s those who are giving us these gifts that really matter.  It matters to them that you appreciate their thoughtfulness no matter how useless or ugly the gift is.  Now we’ll get older and we will be the ones doing most of the giving; and the roles then become reversed.  Our whole life will be revolved around giving to others and enjoying their reactions to the useless/ugly items you give them.  Finally, we will grow out of that stage and become numb to the idea of giving and receiving, it’s a time we all hope will be spent with loved ones who can give you a gift without involving tangible items or even written words.

I have had the privilege of witnessing births, weddings, anniversaries, graduations, birthdays, and sadly, deaths, in the past year; and I expect to witness all those again as my friends and family reach pivotal points in their lives.

Why don’t we begin with our favorite annual celebration that recognizes the amount of life we’ve lived since our birth…

 

Do Not Read...

Do Not Read This Post

Sponsored by:

Why is it that whenever we are given instructions we immediately think of doing the opposite or find a way to do it differently?  Is it the fact that whenever we’re told to do something our mind wanders or is it just our fondness toward dispute?  The more specific an instruction is the more we wish it were vague.  The more ambiguous an instruction is the more we want to know.  I ask you to go right, you think left.  Do you go left or right?  Is right the same as left?  It is when you’re looking to the left of someone, because that’s really their right.  Is it right to correct someone who’s giving you instructions?  Instructions are given because a lead has to be followed.  In order to follow a lead, instructions have to be given, and sometimes in order for you to know if those instructions are correct or valuable is to not follow them and observe the consequences.  Do you try those first and expect to fail or do you fail expecting to succeed?  Do you succeed in failing because you can’t possibly fail at succeeding?  Is there a need to fail some of the time?  If failure never happens how do enjoy success?  Success is the triumph over failure, but failure is also a triumph over success.  Failure is a need.  Your eyes may fail, as you grow old, but they don’t really fail you.  They may just get worn out.  They succeeded in giving you sight for many years, but did you ever thank them?  Joni Mitchell wasn’t the first to realize what we’re given before it has left us.

  

Plato didn’t exactly get his assumption of democracy correct; but he did succeed in making us think about the plausible negative and positive possibilities it possesses - but c’mon, how many oligarchies are out there anymore?  South Africa was the last to try it, and perhaps they succeeded; but then how can apartheid really work in the modern globalization-enriched world we live in?  Civilization, as a whole, will continue its success, but it will never succeed.  If it were to succeed we would have nothing to look forward to.  Is space really the final frontier?

                                  

We fail and succeed, succeed and fail.  It’s as rhythmic as John Coltrane’s performance at Café Montmartre.  Accept failure, but don't expect to accept success except when you're in your final moments of life.  Realize alphabets may never be selfless; and your son, Tom, may one day have a grandson named Tommy Thompson.  You can’t be worried about failure when it’s inevitable.  You only have one life and no matter how you live it, as long as you get out alive, you will succeed.  While there is no definition of success, as it ultimately relies on self-definitive recourse and a vat of lineage resource, I can suggest a starting block with these four things you can attempt to omit from your everyday life - Regrets, Secrets, Lies, and Twitter.

Man and His...

Man and His Names

So did some of our American last names derive from Europeans not knowing how to differentiate from each other and not being able to clarify who is who? Let’s say there are two Toms in an English village back in the early 1200’s and someone yells out, “Tom just got attacked by a wild boar!” Well, now two families who have a Tom are really upset when only one has to be. This is a problem, yes; but a pretty preventable one if these folks had last names to specify which Tom has pancreatic bleeding from a wild boar tusk. What if there’s a village with people who aren’t creative enough to make up a new name and only know names currently in existence? To prevent a problem of misplaced concern, parents probably specified who is who in a family with like names by adding possession to their kin. Let’s give the example of a father and son with the same name of Tom. The father, Tom, can boastingly name his son, Tom’s Son. Now there is Tom and Tom’s Son.

I would usually place an exclamation mark at the end of a word describing a successful end-result at this point but not everyone has one son, especially in an era where most men want to carry their lineage and carry it far. So, what if there is a second boy, did they call him Tom’s Son Number Two? They could have, but that would be even weirder. Maybe they added a second well-known name to Tom’s Son -like David or Henry. Now there is David, Tom’s Son. This sort of name makes sense when Tom’s sons are being introduced. But as the young boys venture out on their own they will begin to encounter problems when introducing themselves. “Hi, I’m Henry, Tom’s Son!” The person on the receiving end of this introduction is inevitably going to be confused/not know/not care who Tom is. So now David, Tom’s Son is going to have to figure out how to introduce himself and get a normal reaction while still respecting his father by keeping his old man’s name. Although writing was practiced mainly by nobles and the wealthy at this point in history, Henry, Tom’s Son would have to eventually write down his own name during his lifetime. As this realization materializes into the acting of endorsing, David will modify his name to simply David Tom'sson, like the Hawai'ians do. And as the world’s denizens, like Tom’s adventurous sons, travel the following years many variations of Henry and David Tomsson will form. The damn French will shorten it to Tomson and once Tom’s sons travel further, the Germans will complicate the name by adding an h, making them Thomssons and the Greek love p’s; so they will make David, Tom’s son, Thompson.

Many decades later different complications will arise in the form of re-instituting the original Tom’s Son’s father, Tom. There will be people like Tommy Thompson, the US Secretary of Health & Human Services, holding Tom’s original name while flaunting his ancestor’s name within in the same name; but the difference is, this time when someone yells out, “Tommy Thompson just got attacked by a wild boar!” only one family is upset while the rest of the people around are only confused as to why there’s a wild boar loose in D.C.

You’re Welcome.

One Night in Paris...

One Night in Paris... Idaho

Why get caught up in the bustle, rustle and hustle of France’s City of Light when you can engage in the quality middle-of-nowhereness lifestyle Paris, Idaho so warmly provides?  With 576 people in this Idahoan town there are plenty of interesting people to meet and things to see.  Who needs Montmartre when you can go to Harry’s Antiques?  Why check out the impressionist paintings at the Musee D’Orsay when you can go to the Paris City Hall and take in historic pictures of the irrigation plowing for potatoes and sugar beets?  No need to cross the Atlantic to visit the famous Red Light district and watch a show at the Moulin Rouge when you can admire Parisian women showing off their skills for The Bear Lake Pageant at The Paris Tabernacle.  Sure the French food at Aux Lyonnais or Chez Jenny is exquisite and world-renowned but you can’t beat good old traditional Mormon cooking at the Sandstone Pioneer.

The two can make for a rapturous argument about how great the differences in similarities and similarities in their differences are; but the bottom line is the towns of Paris are prestigious and beautiful in their own ways.  These morsels of propitious municipalities should be seen as places to visit in one’s lifetime whether you’re on a road trip through America’s potato land or exploring through Le Hexigone. 

 

Bon Voyage!

Why Are There So Many Letters...

Why Are There So Many Letters in the English Alphabet Rhyming with Eee?

B, C, D, E, G, P, T, V, and Z are the 9 letters, that’s basically 1/3 of the alphabet!

There are only two letters rhyming with you (Q & U which, with the exception of 14 words in the entire dictionary, are always together) and seven rhyming with me.  That sounds like the people who created the alphabet were pretty selfish.  Plus, there are two more letters rhyming with I (Y & I)… so conceited.  Maybe they were upset with “you” letters because those two were hanging out by themselves all the time.  They must have also liked “me” more than “I” because all of the former letters can be found with one another quite frequently in our vocabulary but not the latter letters, unless you are writing in French, but we’re not.  It’s also known that all of “me” must like initiating a bundle of pairings when initializing.  B.C.-Buoyancy Control or British Columbia; C.D. –Compact Disc or Certificate of Deposit; D.E. –Defensive End; E.G.(e.g.) –used when saying “for the sake of example”; G.P. –Game Plan or Gross Profit; P.T. –Playing Time or PT Cruiser; T.V. –Television or terminal velocity, and V.Z. –Volumous Zs (A long sleep).  I realize we cannot create a fully understanding alphabet but if I was to rearrange the alphabet, and this may sound cheesy, I would love to put U and I together.  But why not create a completely understanding alphabet?  One that’s filled with love and peaceful lettering, that’s what I want.  You may laugh, but as Elvis Costello asks, “What’s so funny about peace love and understanding?”  I see a unitized alphabet in our near future…

 

 

A Change in Posts

I have decided to switch from my usual lists to interesting stories and thoughts of the moment.  I'm being a bit ambiguous because I'm not even sure what I'm talking about.

If you're interested in checking out my lists, I'm still making them at this site:

http://stephenhkoontz.listal.com/lists

...and welcome to the world, Noah Benjamin Pitsch!

2009: The Year of Nine

In the last year of the first decade of the new millennium, several movie producers have decided to release movies with the title including the number nine. There have been several movies dedicated to the largest single-digit number, but this year they might actually be enjoyable. I could have sent out this posting earlier; but then I wouldn't have been able to send it out on last day of the third month of the year, 3 x 3 x 1 = 9. All right, I'm not going to give absurd reasons that will conjure up unfavorable images from the film, "The Number 23". Because then I would include, in the following list, The Taking of Pellham 123 (1 + 2 = 3; 3 x 3 = 9) oh no!! I think Denzel Washington has been in 3 Tony Scott movies, and since there have been 3 movies of the same title, we multiply them again and get 9, crazy!! Enough, here are the 3 movies with 9 in the title:

Nine (November)

Rob Marshall (Chicago, Memoirs of a Geisha) directs an all-star cast, mostly made up of women and the great Daniel Day-Lewis.

Trailer
The 9 in the title represents the 9 women of Fellini's life. Fellini directed the masterpiece 8 1/2 back in 1963, it was then transported to the stage, where it became 9 and a musical, and now it's Nine, back on film and still a musical.

Here are seven of the women Daniel Day-Lewis will be acting with:

Penelope Cruz

Nicole Kidman

Marion Cotillard

Kate Hudson

Sophia Loren

Stacy "Fergie" Ferguson

Judi Dench

9 (September)

This directing debut for Shane Acker looks visually stunning in its animation and intriguing in its story.

See the trailer here:

www.9themovie.com

The 9 in the title represents the main character, who appears to be created by one of the last remaining human beings, along with other characters like, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8.

Here are the all-star list of actors voicing these characters:

9 - Elijah Wood

8 - Fred Tatasciore

7 - Jennifer Connelly

6 - Crispin Glover

5 - John C. Reilly

4 - ?? ??

3 - ?? ??

2 - Martin Landau

1 - Christopher Plummer

District 9 (August)

With Neil Blomkamp (Halo Games) directing and Peter Jackson producing, this very secretive film could be one of the best kept secrets of all time. We are only four months away and no one has seen or heard anything about the film. The only images that can be found are like the one below, found on a Web site that only suggests what the movie could be about.

Web site:

www.d-9.com

I always appreciate when film sites give you more than the trailer and some images. I recommend checking this out, make sure you follow the directions and have your volume on.

The 9 in the title represents the area where "non-humans" are living, somewhere in South Africa. Can we coexist? I guess we'll find out in August.

The Most Anticipated Films of 2009

Jan - April = Green

May - August = Blue

Sept - Dec = Red

1. Shutter Island

– Leo DiCaprio, Ben Kingsley, Mark Ruffalo

- Directed by Marty Scorsese
– Another stylistic thriller/masterpiece from Scorsese and his/my favorite actor, DiCaprio.



2. Public Enemies

– Johnny Depp, Christian Bale, Marion Cotillard

- Directed by Mike Mann
– About the crime wave in the 1930s led by gangsters like John Dillinger, Pretty Boy Floyd & Baby Face Nelson.



3. Sherlock Holmes

– Robert Downey Jr., Jude Law, Rachel McAdams, & Mark Strong
- Directed by Guy Ritchie
– An unbelievably interesting combination of characters, actors and director. This movie has everything going for it.



4. Funny People

– Seth Rogen, Adam Sandler, Jonah Hill, Eric Bana, Leslie Mann, and several cameos
- Directed by Jud Apatow
– Uninteresting title, but great cast and story. About a stand-up comedian who finds out he’s terminally ill and takes an amateur comedian under his wing as a PA and friend.



5. A Serious Man

– Directed by The Coen Brothers
– Another (most likely) successful well-written, directed, edited, acted comedic film by the Coens; but without the big-name cast, albeit a talented cast.



6. Up

– Ed Asner, Produced by Pixar
– Pixar’s next triumph about an old man who wants to travel the world alone, by a bundle of balloons attached to his house. Hopefully Pixar’s decision to release two films a year doesn’t mean Up is their last great film.



7. I Love You, Man

– Paul Rudd, Jason Segal & Rashida Jones
– Another “Freaks & Geeks” alumni film that looks damn funny and has potential to be one of the better comedies of the year.



8. Avatar

– Sigourney Weaver, Giovanni Ribisi, & Michelle Rodriguez

- Directed by James Cameron
– Cameron’s first directing gig since Titanic! It’s also the first film to use the revolutionary technology of photorealism, making it impossible to tell the difference between a computer rendering and a live person.



9. The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassis

– Johnny Depp, Heath Ledger, Colin Ferrell, & Jude Law
– Ledger’s final role in a film that looks wildly weird, original and potentially amazing. The above actors all play the same character.



10. Adventureland

– Jesse Eisenberg, Bill Hader, Kristen Wiig, Ryan Reynolds, & Kristen Stewart
- Directed by Greg Mottola
– This might actually be “this year’s ‘Superbad’” because it will actually be funny and is helmed by said movie’s director.



11. Nine

– Daniel Day-Lewis, Penelope Cruz, Nicole Kidman, Marion Cotillard, Sophia Loren, Kate Hudson, Fergie, & Judi Dench
- Directed by Rob Marshall
– Clearly an intriguing cast. A musical based on the Broadway musical of the same title, which was adapted from Fellini’s classic film, 8½.



12. Green Zone

– Matt Damon, Greg Kinnear, & Jason Isaacs

- Directed by Paul Greengrass
– A great cast and director can’t produce a bad picture about the CIA.



13. The Road

– Viggo Mortenson, Charlize Theron, Robert Duvall & Guy Pearce
– Adapted from Cormac McCarthy’s (No Country for Old Men) post-apocalyptic novel recommended by both Oprah Winfrey and Benjamin Sauer. The recs for the book and the film’s cast make this a must-see.



14. The Tree of Life

– Brad Pitt & Sean Penn
– A film about a boy who sees the beauty in life until something bad happens and his life becomes dark until he grows into a man and finds the beauty in life again. I’m in.



15. Year One

– Jack Black, Michael Cera & Paul Rudd
- Directed by Harold Ramis
– A buddy comedy set in the year 1 A.D.



16. A Christmas Carol

– Jim Carrey & Gary Oldman
- Directed by Robert Zemeckis
– Carrey and Oldman play several voices in this animated remake of the many-times-produced story from Dickens.



17. Couples Retreat

– Vince Vaugh, Malin Akerman, Jason Bateman, Kristen Bell, Jon Favreau, Faison Love & Jean Reno
– A script written by Favreau and hopefully played out by an awesome cast. This looks like the comedy to see next winter.



18. The Informant

– Matt Damon, Directed by Steven Soderbergh
– An action comedy that looks similar to many films of the genre; but immensely entertaining nonetheless.



19. Watchmen

– JD Morgan, Malin Ankerman, Billy Crudup, Pat Wilson, & Jackie Earle Haley
– A group of vigilante superheroes exact revenge on the slaying of a superhero. Adapted from a very popular graphic novel. The visual effects look like they may be enough reason to see this movie



20. Bruno: Delicious Journeys Through America for the Purpose of Making Heterosexual Males Visibly Uncomfortable in the Presence of a Gay Foreigner wearing a Mesh T-Shirt

– Sacha Baron Cohen
– I think the title says it all.



21. Boone’s Lick

– Tom Hanks & Julianne Moore
- Directed by Barry Levinson
– I love Hanks but can’t really stand Moore. Then again, I said the same thing about Julia Roberts before Charlie Wilson’s War and she managed to change my mind, a little.



22. X-Men Origins: Wolverine

- Hugh Jackman & Ryan Reynolds
- I’ll admit, I surprisingly enjoyed the X-Men trilogy; and this prequel looks enticing.



23. High T

– Steve Carell
– Just announced, so I don’t know if they’ll really get this movie out in time. It’s about a guy who takes high doses of testosterone shots. I think Carell can pull this off.



24. The Brothers Bloom

– Adrien Brody, Mark Ruffalo, Rinko Kikuchi & Rachel Weiss
– This was on my list last year, and I’m still interested seeing what looks like a unique mix of mystery, comedy, and action.



25. The Chicago Seven

– Will Smith?, Colin Hanks?, Sacha Baron Cohen? Brad Pitt? Directed by Ben Stiller?
– Everyone seems to be a question mark because in the year since hearing about the project so many names have gone through, including Spielberg as the director. One thing staying the same is the story and Aaron Sorkin writing. Since he’s my favorite screenwriter the movie has great potential, let’s hope it actually comes out in 2009.



26. The Lovely Bones
– Rachel Weisz, Susan Surrandon, Stanley Tucci, & Mark Wahlberg, Directed by Peter Jackson
– Jackson’s first movie since King Kong should be worth the wait. A solid cast (with the exception of Mark Wahlberg) and screenplay should transform the best-selling novel into a great film.



27. Angels and Demons
– Tom Hanks & Ewan McGreggor
- Directed by Ron Howard
– Book was better than The Da Vinci Code, we’ll see if the movie is the same. I can’t imagine it being much better without Audrey Tautou.



28. New York, I Love You
– Several well-known actors/actresses
– Several vignettes about love set in The Big Apple



29. Fanboys
– Jay Baruchel, Dan Fogler, Kristen Bell, Seth Rogen & several cameos.
– Set in 1998, a group of Star Wars nerds take a trip to Hollywood to get a sneak peak of Episode I, six months before it’s released.



30. Terminator Salvation
– Christian Bale & Anton Yelchin
– I think it will be like Quantum of Solace, a great movie but nothing like the previous movies.



31. Where the Wild Things Are
– Catherine Keener, Mark Ruffalo, James Gandolfini, Dir. – Spike Jonze
– This could be a very cool adaptation of the short children’s book, with Spike Jonze directing, Dave Eggers writing the screenplay and Acord doing the cinematography.



32. State of Play
– Russell Crowe, Rachel McAdams, Helen Mirren & Ben Affleck
– A conspiracy thriller that doesn’t look original enough to make this a must see, but I’m sure it will still be entertaining.



33. Extract
– Jason Bateman, Mila Kunis, Ben Affleck, & Mila Kunis, Dir. – Mike Judge
– Judge is directing a writing, he promises to make up for Idiocracy and come back to the comedy of Office Space. Let’s hope he’s right.



34. Taking Woodstock
– Emile Hirsch, JD Morgan, Paul Dano, & Live Schreiber, Directed by Ang Lee
– About the beginnings of the famous concert. Great cast, great concert, hopefully great movie.

35. The Soloist
– Robert Downey Jr. & Jamie Foxx
– This was supposed to come out last fall, so it’s hightened my anticipation a little more. Looks like a great story about music and friendship.



36. Land of the Lost
– Will Ferrell & Danny McBride
– This looks like another funny, but stupid movie with Ferrell. Hopefully better than Semi-Pro; but I can’t see it nearing Step Brothers level



37. The Fantastic Mr. Fox
– George Clooney, Cate Blanchett, Bill Murray, Meryl Streep & Jason Schwartzman
- Directed by Wes Anderson
– Another weird Anderson flick, but this time it’s animated. His movies already have an animated feel, so I think the results will be interesting.



38. The Wolf Man
– Benecio Del Toro, Anthony Hopkins, Emily Blunt & Hugo Weaving
– Benecio becomes a werewolf… sold.



39. Inglorious Basterds
– Brad Pitt, Diane Kruger & Eli Roth
- Directed by Quentin Tarantino
– That is spelled correctly, and it’s a Tarantino film about World War II. Let’s hope he makes up for his try at the grind-house features.



40. The Goods: The Don Ready Story
- Jeremy Piven
- About a sleazy car salesman. Piven can play that. Hopefully with a good script and supporting cast this will be a good one.


41. Pinkville
– Bruce Willis, Woody Harrelson, & Tobey Jones

- Directed by Oliver Stone
– A film put on the back burner because of the WGA strike and then Stone’s rush to make W. The Vietnam story is intriguing and we all know how good his first Vietnam War film was. Hopefully we’ll see this actually get made in 2009.


42. Harry Potter & the Half-Blood Prince
– The usual actors/actresses
– I finally saw a Harry Potter movie last year, and then watched the rest since; so now that I’m caught up I’m actually looking forward to a Harry Potter movie. Weird.


43. Duplicity
– Clive Owen, Julia Roberts, Paul Giamatti, & Tom Wilkinson
– Looks like a fun movie with lots of twists and good lines, like “You’re gaming me!”


44. The Taking of Pelham 123
– Denzel Washington & John Travolta
– I don’t know much about this remake, but the cast and story seem interesting enough.


45. Amelia
– Hilary Swank, Ewan McGreggor, Richard Gere & Virginia Madsen
– Biopic on Amelia Earhart and another possible award-worthy role for Swank.


46. 9
– Elijah Woods, John C. Reilly & Jen Connolly

- Directed by Tim Burton & Shane Acker
– An animated film opening on 09.09.09, that takes place in an apocalyptic world run by machines.


47. Shorts
– Kat Dennings, William H. Macy & Leslie Mann

- Directed by Robert Rodriguez
– About a kid who finds a colorful rock and the how his friends and family react to it.


48. The Proposal
– Ryan Reynolds & Sandra Bullock
– I end up liking at least one “chick flick” every year, and with Reynolds being in the one I picked last year, I will take my chance on this one, too.


49. The Great Buck Howard
– John Malkovich, Tom Hanks, Colin Hanks, & Emily Blunt
– This has a great cast and the story seems ‘great’ but I recently saw the trailer and after waiting over a year already it doesn’t look so ‘great’.


50. Everybody’s Fine
– Robert De Niro, Kate Beckinsale, Drew Barrymore & Melissa Leo
– About a man who takes a road trip to see each one of his kids after he becomes widowed.


51. District 9
- Another movie with the number nine in it. This time we’re talking about extraterrestrials who have become refugees in South Africa.


52. GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra
– Dennis Quaid, Sienna Miller, & Rachel Nichols
– This movie would be cool if it looked anything like the original cartoon and the action figures.


53. Star Trek XI
- Directed by JJ Abrams

- I’m not a Star Trek fan by any means, but when Abrams is at the helm I pay attention.


54. The International
– Clive Owen & Naomi Watts
– Doesn’t look too terribly original; but Owen always seems to take a potentially okay into the “good movie” range.


55. Sunshine Cleaning
– Amy Adams, Emily Blunt, Alan Arkin, & Eric Christian Olsen
– A quarky movie about cleaning up dead people’s messes.


56. A Night at the Museum 2
– Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Amy Adams, Jonah Hill & Ricky Gervais
– I wasn’t a big fan of the first one. This one looks like it could be funnier, but still not great.


57. Mary and Max
– Philip Seymour Hoffman, Toni Collette, & Eric Bana
– It’s weird to hear these actors are in an animated feature, they don’t seem like the actors who would, so it could produce interesting results.


56. Tokyo Sonata
- Japanese movie about an ever-changing family’s struggles. Foreign films are gambles, but this one looks like a good bet.


57. The Open Road
– Justin Timberlake, Jeff Bridges & Kate Mara

– A son who tries to make amends with his father as they take a road trip to the son’s ill mother.


60. Taken
– Liam Neeson & Famke Janssen
– About a former spy who’s kids get kidnapped. I like everything Neeson does and I like Janssen.


61. Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs
– Bill Hader, Anna Faris, Andy Samburg, & Tracy Morgan
– Animated feature about food falling from the sky, literally.


62. Shanghai
– John Cusack, JD Morgan & Ken Watanabe
– Pre-Pearl Harbor, an American ex-patriot takes a trip to Shanghai. Great cast and the film stills look amazing.


63. Notorious
- He was one of my favorite rappers and rapped my favorite rap song, “Juicy”, so hopefully they’ll do him at least an ounce of justice.


64. Vanilla Gorilla
– Pierce Brosnan
– Brosnan and an albino gorilla who signs; an unstoppable combination.


65. Earth
- Documentary about the earth and shit.


66. Three Stories About Joan
– Camilla Belle, Owen Wilson, & Bruce Willis
– Centered around a woman at three points in her life and the life-changing issues she faces.


67. Powder Blue
- Jessica Biel, Patrick Swayze, & Ray Liotta
- Four dynamic stories come together on Christmas Eve.


68. Killshot
– Diane Lane, Mickey Rourke, Rosario Dawson, Directed by John Madden
– An interesting looking thriller about the mafia. Let’s see if Rourke can do it again.


69. Twilight: New Moon
– Kristen Stewart & Robert Pattinson
– The first one wasn’t half bad. Now, with a bigger budget and a beefed-up plot the second has potential of being better.



70. Julie & Julia
– Amy Adams & Meryl Streep
– About the chef, Julia Childs and her biggest fan.


Virtual JFK: Vietnam if Had Kennedy Lived
- A documentary about, well Vietnam, if Kennedy had lived and where we’d be today.


72. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
– Shiah LaBeouf & Megan Fox
– I fell asleep the first time I saw the film and then picked it apart the second time. I really hope they can make improvements on this sequel. Michael Bay is still directing, so that’s a bad start


73. The Box
– James Marsden, Cameron Diaz & Frank Langella
– A horror film I might actually be interested in seeing. It’s directed by the guy who did Donnie Darko and the cast might make this a viable horror film. I guess I’ll believe it when I see it.


74. Surrogates
– Bruce Willis
– Set in a future world run by robots. Willis has to save people, blah blah. Blah, you know the rest.


75. Fired Up!
– Eric Christian Olsen & Sarah Roemer
– It’s like Bring it On, but possibly funny. Olsen is 31 and playing a high school student; but I guess we’ll let that slide.



THE NOT-SURES (Among many others)

Friday the 13th
- The first six were great, but now that studios annually put shit out trying to be like like those, I fear this will just be another slasher flick. The trailer doesn’t make it look like anything special.

Two Lovers
– Joaquin Phoenix, Gweneth Paltrow, & Vanessa Shaw
– I don’t think I can stand Phoenix in a lead role, but it looks like an interesting love triangle with an ok script.

Crossing Over
– Harrison Ford, Ray Liotta, Sean Penn, Ashley Judd & Jim Sturgess
– Three stories of people trying to get into the US, all illegally. A good cast could make this entertaining.

All About Steve
– Sandra Bullock, Brad Cooper & Thomas H. Church
– Not actually a male remake of All About Eve. I guess Cooper decided to be in every average-looking romantic comedy this year.

Away We Go
– John Krasinski, Maya Rudolph & Maggie Gyllenhaal
– Film about parents-to-be. Let’s hope it’s nowhere near the less-than-remotely-good stylings of Krasinski’s last movie about parents-to-be, License to Wed.

Old Dogs
– Robin Williams, John Travolta & Bernie Mac.
– A buddy movie with comedic possibilities. It’s been a while since Williams has been funny. Let’s hope Mac’s last movie is a good one.


THE NOT-INTERESTEDS (Among many others)

Dance Flick
– Wayans Brothers

Astroboy

Knowing

- Nicholas Cage

G-Force
– Nicholas Cage again…

2012
– Antigovernment example of the end of the world. Race to Witch Mountain
- One Name: The Rock

Ice Age: Age of the Dinosaurs

The Ugly Truth
– Gerard Butler & Katherine Heigl
– I like these actors, but this looks bad

Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li

I Love You, Philip Morris
– Jim Carrey, Ewan McGreggor and Leslie Mann
– The trailer is horrible. Carrey playing a flamboyant gay man is funny, then he gets weird.